screen time passcode

I have a problem with my screen time password. A few months ago I had to reset my whole phone because malware was found. When I restarted and re-downloaded all of my data (I backed it up right before), my iphone had converted to previous screen time limits and downtime that I had set for myself over a year before and already removed. I have no idea why this happened, and now I can't figure out the passcode. I have already tried many different combinations, to the point where I can only try once every hour. I have already watched multiple videos on how to reset it, and they all say that there will be an option that says "forgot passcode" on the screen where you are supposed to put it in. This is not true for me: my guess is that I have tried putting it in so many times that they will no longer let me change it. I saw another solution that included erasing all content and settings, but I don't know if this is guaranteed to work and I would prefer to find a way that does not require me to do that. I would really appreciate any help figuring out this passcode issue so I am able to change the settings. I have an iphone 8 with iOS 13.6.