my iPad locked up because i forgot my passcode. I tried to restore using the information on the apple support site, but that is not working. The recovery mode never appears! Can you help?

Not knowing which information that you may have tried, I suggest reviewing the following articles to see if they can help:

• If you forgot the passcode for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, or your device is disabled - Apple Support
• If you can't update or restore your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support

If none of the above work for you, then follow these steps to place your iPad into recovery mode.

1. Disconnect the USB cable from the iPad, but leave the other end of the cable connected to your computer's USB port.
2. Turn off the device: Press and hold the Sleep/Wake button for a few seconds until the red slider appears, then slide the slider. Wait for the device to turn off.  * If you cannot turn off the device using the slider, press and hold the Sleep/Wake and Home buttons at the same time. When the device turns off release the Sleep/Wake and Home buttons.
3. While pressing and holding the Home button, reconnect the USB cable to the device. The device should turn on. Note: If you see the battery charge warning let the device charge for at least ten minutes to ensure that the battery has some charge, and then start with step 2 again.
4. Continue holding the Home button until you see the "Connect to iTunes" screen. When this screen appears you can release the Home button. (Note: If your Mac is running macOS Catalina+, then you will be using the Finder app, instead of iTunes for the recovery process.
5. If necessary, open iTune (or Finder.) You should see the following "recovery mode" alert.
6. Use iTunes (or Finder) to restore the device. If you don't see the "Connect to iTunes" screen, try these steps again. If you see the "Connect to iTunes" screen but the device does not appear in iTunes (or Finder,) see this article and its related links. Note: When using recovery mode, you can only restore the device. All user content on the device will be erased, but if you had previously synced with iTunes (or Finder) on this computer, you can restore from a previous backup. See this article for more information.