how do i recover a forgotten passcode for iphone XS

Apple is not cryptographically inept enough to implement a recoverable password. Passwords are stored as one-way hash functions and not recoverable values, and stores the hashes in secure hardware, which means they can only be brute-forced, and Apple further throttles the number of password guesses permitted. Reset it.

If you forgot the passcode on your iPhone, or your iPhone is disabled - Apple Support

Also, If you have iOS 11 or later and your account is protected with two-factor authentication, use get help with a forgotten passcode or disabled device to recover your passcode.