Phone is hacked
I'm pretty sure my soon to be ex-husband somehow hacked my phone. I have messages in Messenger that were deleted and friend requests that I didn't send. What do I do?
iPhone 13 Pro Max, iOS 15
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It is unlikely that your phone was hacked. What is more likely based on what you're describing is that your husband has access to your accounts. See here:
If you think your Apple ID has been compromised - Apple Support
You should also change the passwords for any other accounts you have like Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter.
