If you are having this many issues with all of your mail accounts and on multiple devices, it's time to consider if your network is the cause of your mail slowness and not Mail at all. I would suggest the following troubleshooting steps to determine potential causes:
- Properly uninstall all antivirus and security applications from all of your Apple devices (these are unnecessary and problematic)
- Uninstall any "security" or "privacy" products that your ISP provides to you
- If you are using 3rd party DNS servers on your devices or network, temporarily disable them
- If you are using a VPN on your devices or network, disable or remove it
- Reboot the devices
- Do testing on your home network over Wi-Fi, and also on another trusted Wi-Fi network
- Do testing while only connected to cellular data in a great coverage area
- If you still can't get Mail on your iOS devices to work, try a network reset (Settings > General > Transfer or Reset [Device] > Reset > Reset Network Settings)
What you are experiencing is of course not normal behavior. For example, throughout the day I use and iPhone 13, an M2 MacBook Air, and an M4 Mac Mini. All are fully updated to the latest Apple updates. I just tested emails to and from email accounts hosted on iCloud, Microsoft, Google, and all of the emails sent immediately and showed up in Mail within about 15 seconds on all of the other devices.
One additional suggesstion when testing send and receive. Use webmail to do the sending at first to ensure that you remove sending from the equation. Using webmail while you test also give you an immediate view of what is occuring on the server, unrelated to your local Mail issues.