I use my phone as the remote. I can screen share and see the passcode to enter on my tv…how in the heck can I pair it if I can’t access my Apple TV 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

As detailed in the “Also see” thread, for the Apple TV (3rd generation), your options are:

• buy a replacement Apple Remote (aluminum);
• temporarily borrow an Apple Remote (aluminum) to help set up the software remote;
• restore the Apple TV and connect a wireless keyboard to help set up the software remote;
• restore the Apple TV and connect the CiderTV Mac app to help set up the software remote.

What is your model Apple TV? Identify your Apple TV model - Apple Support

On Apple TV (3rd generation), you will need a functional remote to help set up the software remote.

Also see: discussions.apple.com/thread/253328730